The girl: Mom?
Me (typing, not looking up): Yes?
The girl: I think there is monster under my bed.
Me (still typing): Hmm. Are you scared of anything in your closet?
The girl: What? No.
Me: Good. Because the monster is in your closet.
The girl: What?
Me: Yeah, the only thing under your bed is the mattress from your trundle bed. If you’re scared of mattresses, you’re in BIG trouble. Big.
The girl: I’m not scared of mattresses!
Me (relieved): Oh. Good. Well, then, hop along back to bed. We’re good here. There’s nothing under your bed to be scared of, especially if you’re not scared of mattresses.
The girl (uncertain): Um, okay. ‘Night.