Guest Post: Tara’s 2012 Resolutions

Please welcome Mer from Tiny Bit of Crazy.  She’s like my life coach, but not really.  More of a pancake-maker, I guess.  Either way, she seems to be really smart.

Dear Tara,

Remember when we were younger and you decided we should each get one veto to use if we didn’t approve of a major life choice the other was making? Yeah, that was a really cool idea. But that’s not what this letter is.

Don’t worry, you can stay divorced.

But I would like to suggest some New Year’s resolutions for you. Not because I don’t think you can make them on your own, but because I don’t think you will make the right ones. As your veto idea implies,  sometimes friends see our lives more clearly than we do, and so while I’m not ready to exercise my veto, I do have some suggestions for you.

Plus, high school honor society and doctoral degrees aside, I feel like I’m just a little smarter than you. There, I’ve said it. And it only took me 23 years. Except when it comes to spelling. Or statistics. Or anything to do with numbers really. Or graphs – pie OR line.  But you know, most everything else.

So here is what I wish for you in 2012:

• Have at least a handful of moments of uncomplicated joy. Notice I didn’t say happiness. Joy and happiness, in my mind, are different. Joy is what sneaks up and takes hold when you least expect it; when the thing you’re doing in that moment is exactly the right thing at every level, no ifs, ands or buts. Happiness is something you can decide to be and I think you know how to do that well enough already.
• Get Savannah to teach you how to cry at movies.
• Make friends with your kitchen. Seriously. I’m not saying you have to become a gourmet cook, or really cook at all, just think about building a relationship with that space based in ideas of warmth and fellowship more than fear and resentment. The dance parties with the kids are a great start.
• Floss. I actually have no idea whether or not you floss regularly, but regardless, this is solid advice.
• Make Dan Savage a regular part of your life. Access either his blog, his weekly column, or his podcast at least twice a week. Remember in middle school, when we would have a sex question and we’d slink up to the locker of that older girl who always had the answers? Well this is like that, only the answers are true. Even if you think you already know everything, trust me, you don’t.
• Write your half of our book. And I know that means I will also have to write my half, but this list is about you, so let’s stay focused, m’kay?
• Get a local BFF. I’d say someone just like me, but we both know that’s not possible. But ideally she will be funny, caring, open minded and most importantly, local. I need some boots on the ground in Charlotte – someone who can be my eyes and ears and is able to fill in for me when I can’t make the 7 hour drive down. She needs to be able to drop everything and hunt you down when I can’t reach you, or rush over with ice cream and frozen pizza when someone has hurt your feelings or broken your heart (but just until I can get down there). Ideally, she’d also cook the occasional meal for you and the kids, but never pancakes. That’s strictly my gig. And she really shouldn’t cook all that well, or else the kids might realize I’m not actually that talented. And she shouldn’t be really funny, just a little bit funny. I should always be the funniest BFF you have.
• Keep pushing your own boundaries and reinventing yourself.
• Get Declan to teach you how to do a no-handed cartwheel on the trampoline. Then teach me if it turns out it’s possible for a 35 year old woman to do that without spinal injury. Otherwise, never mind.
• Have a proper first date. At least twice.
• Pretend to be a foodie. Just once, just for minute, just to see how it feels.
• Occasionally trade in your rose colored glasses for a magnifying glass. You have a wonderful ability to see the best in people, to find the upside to every situation and to power through any situation with a smile on your face. This has served you well often. But other times, it’s a liability. Periodically ask yourself if the things you believe to be immutably true, about yourself or someone else, are real, or just what you want to be real. It will change your life. And when in doubt, ask me. I always assume the worst in everyone and every situation, so we’re a good balance.
• Eat chocolate for breakfast as often as possible.
• Never let your car get below 1/4 full tank. Even when it’s really cold out or raining and you think you’ll be fine just waiting until the next day. Trust me on this.
• Keep writing.
• Fantasize about being the bully. Imagine yourself saying every mean, inflammatory, inaccurate, intimidating, and true thing you’ve ever wanted to say to anyone you’ve ever forced yourself to be nice to. Add some hand gestures and puff out your chest a few times while you’re doing it. Loud angry girl music like Ani DiFranco can help you get in the mood. Do it as many times as you need until you’re comfortable with how it feels, maybe even enjoying it a little bit. Then erase all of the words from your mind, so you don’t accidentally say them someday, but hold onto that feeling of power, so you can pull it out next time you feel powerless. This totally works, I swear.
• Keep your sense of humor, and keep sharing it with as many people as possible.
• This is the most important one, so pay attention: Never waste a second of your time or energy on anyone who doesn’t immediately find you hilarious, brilliant, talented, loving and perfect just the way you are.

So there you have it: My recipe for your best possible 2012, but also a foundation for a pretty awesome next 50 years as well. You’re welcome.

Love always,

Mer

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