Day 289: Moving Day

Yesterday, Drew moved from a furnished house into a different, unfurnished home.

He had rented the furnished home, you see, so that he could easily and seamlessly move back into our home if we reconciled.

Well.

(awkward silence)

Now he has an empty house that needs to be filled with stuff.

Therefore, it was time for him to take the remainder of his belongings.

It was excruciatingly awful, I felt.  I shouldn’t presume to have any insight into his feelings anymore, but I’m guessing it was terrible for him too.  I kept thinking, “I cannot believe we’re doing this. I cannot believe this is happening.”  We worked together, carrying things from the house to the car while the children played with the neighborhood kids in the front yard.

It felt like everyone was watching.

At one point, a neighbor boy said, “What are you guys doing?”  Dylan answered, “My dad got a new house and he’s bringing his stuff there.”  Sweetly, the boy said to Drew, “Congratulations on your new house.”

Two carloads of boxes were moved, most of them consisting of any remaining clothes and several boxes of memorabilia from his childhood.

Several boxes of childhood memorabilia.  You know, like trophies, Boyscout badges, and random art projects.

Not one box of memorabilia to remember our wedding or subsequent life together.

Not one photo.

Not one souvenir item from a trip.

Not one piece of furniture that we purchased together.

Hmm.

Makes me wonder if I ever really existed.


 

 

–”The divorced person is like a man with a black patch over one eye:  He looks rather dashing but the fact is that he has been through a maiming experience.”  Jo Coudert

Comments

  1. Sarah says:

    Well written Tara. I understand how you feel. I understand the feeling of thinking he won’t remember me. But I remember this…every time he looks at his kids..that reminder of what was left behind will be staring back at him. It’s a small consolation but it’s something. Stay strong and know many of us have walked your path. You do not walk alone.

    • Tara says:

      It does bring me comfort when I read all the words that folks have written over the past few months. So many people are experiencing separation and divorce, and even though our journeys are so individualized, they’re also similar in many ways. Grief/pain/disappointment . . . hope/strength/pride . . . they’re a bit universal, I think. Thanks for commenting, Sarah. Now, who is this Eli you keep mentioning on FB?

  2. gretchen says:

    Awwwww. He has the best memorabilia ever — the kids. Those aren’t stuck in the basement under a pile of dust to look at once every 10 years. He’ll see your smile in the children’s smiles. Hopefully he’ll remember the good times. I think you’re doing great. Hang in there!!!

  3. Cortney says:

    “The true test of a person’s character is how they stand during tests of adversity” – unknown

    I think the way you are handling this entire situation just says so much about you as a person. (in a good way!) I know it hurts now, but I hope that will get better over time. Know that you have friends that support you no matter what.

    • Tara says:

      Thank you, Cortney. I hope I’m handling it with integrity; some folks may disagree with you. But I do know that I’m doing the best I can.

  4. Claudia says:

    I’m so sorry, Tara. I have yet to read what actually happened that led up to this point in your marriage (I didn’t even realize what was going on until I saw your FB status), but your new post made me teary. Hugs to you.

    • Tara says:

      Thanks, Claudia. Yeah, because we just recently became FB friends, you’ve missed out on all the mopey posts and FB status updates that have taken place over the past 10 months. You may want to unfriend me immediately (although to be fair, many of my updates are decidedly un-mopey.).

  5. Lori says:

    Many of us know what this process is like and it SUCKS, but your experience is your own. I remember the looks from my neighbors when he was moving his things. Those bastards were totally watching! Hang in there, because you have so many people rooting for you.

    • Tara says:

      I think the neighbors weren’t really watching, it just felt like they were, you know? Like a big sign was across my front lawn that said, “Warning: Broken Family Here”.

  6. Ashley Taylor says:

    Wow, I have so much I would like to say here, your last sentence really got to me. But, then I realized that this is your blog, and your readers probably don’t want to read about my stuff, so I will keep my inner-most thoughts to myself, but I will say that I am thinking of you.
    And your children will be a reminder to him that there was a life after Boy Scout badges and baseball trophies, whether he likes it or not, you did exist. And without spilling all of my own life drama, I would tell you that you might want to caution Drew strongly that your children will also notice the lack of you in his new home, and it will impact them in ways I can’t imagine he would like to try to pick up the pieces of later. Just my two cents.

    • Tara says:

      I don’t think you should keep your thoughts to yourself, Ashley. I’d love to hear them. I learn so much from other people’s perspectives and experiences.

      I think I will have a presence in his home, eventually. I think it just hurts him too much right now. And it’s his house, so it’s none of my business, really, as long as it’s safe for the kiddos. Which it is; it’s a nice house.

  7. Mer says:

    I’m not sure what to say, because I’m not sure there’s much to say beyond the standard “you’re doing great,” “his loss” and “one day at a time.” So instead I’m just going to take some profound words that you recently offered to me and offer them back to you and hope they provide you as much comfort as they did me:

    “Did you know they sell really inexpensive tubs of frozen margaritas at really random stores? Like, a tub was $5.99 at Garden Ridge.”

  8. Renee says:

    I have been on your website for almost 4 hours now (on and off)… I read all the books that told me how I was SUPPOSED to feel… thus far, your tails and trials and tribulations have had me laugh more because I can actually RELATE, than ‘Up All Night’ has (and I can relate to that too, only I want to hate them because in storybook world they are still married and happy and… well… screw them)! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for sharing. From someone who has a TON of support, for once I really don’t feel like I am the lonely, crazy, going to be a cat lady woman, any more.

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