Day 257: The Box

I opened that box.

You know, the one that held all the future predictions about our marriage.

I opened it a couple of weeks after I posted about it.  Nearly a month ago, now.

I was on the phone with a friend, complaining that I was feeling all tense and irritable and moody.

I was like, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Then I thought of that stupid box, looming.

While still on the phone, I searched all the likely hiding places, tossing aside books, office supplies, and random photo albums.

I started to wonder if it had been lost, or if Drew had taken it to hinder me from writing this very post.

I found on it on the book shelf in the front room, snug between two dusty books.

I hung up the phone to give the box it’s due.

I read my own predictions first.

Reading words I had written ten years prior was surprisingly uneventful.

I felt like I could easily recognize myself behind the words.

Reading his words, however, was a bit more piercing.

The answers to his portion of the survey was capped off with a handwritten note that began with the words, “To my love” and ended with “I’ll love you forever”.

Now that I know what I know, it’s hard not to see the inevitable outcome in the words between the lines.

Which is pretty silly, as the questions were rather simplistic and matter-0f-fact.

However, some answers incite feelings of bitterness and loss:  “One promise about our habits that I made today that I will keep over the next ten years is that I will try to improve and I will love you even if you don’t change a thing”, and “I will always remember that without a healthy marriage, we will not have healthy kids.”

But the box is open, and read, and absorbed.

There’s been some distance.

Closure is creeping in.

Comments

  1. Jessi says:

    I know this is slightly off-topic, but I want to thank you for everything you write. You truly give me strength and hope on the days that I don’t think I have any left. You rock.

  2. Amy K. says:

    Hugs to you. Here’s to the next 10 years, and to laying down the weight of past expectations and gathering up the hope of new potentials.

    • Tara says:

      Thanks, Amy. So glad the box was opened and it wasn’t that bad. I mean, THINKING about the box was SO much worse. Yet another reason why I shouldn’t procrastinate.

  3. Lindsey says:

    Can not imagine just how piercing that must have been. I hope the known of the box has given you some clarity for what you want to do next. My thoughts have been with you this past month for this AND the business. Really hope it is going well! {hugs}

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