Day 240: Limbo

Drew and I have been in limbo for a long time.

By limbo, I mean that we have not reconciled, nor have we openly admitted defeat.

Nine months of limbo.

That’s a long time in many ways, particularly because it’s been so fraught with emotional highs and lows.

At the same time, it’s just a lengthy moment in a life of nearly fifteen years spent together.

Anyway, the limbo is draining me.

I suspect it’s draining him, too.

Thankfully, the kids seem to be oblivious to the quiet strain we feel.  They’ve settled into their new life as members of a non-traditional family.

One family, two houses.

As often as my gloomy posts on this blog have been peppered with anger, sadness, and resentment, I’d like to think that you folks have heard me when I’ve noted that overall, Drew and I are kind and respectful to each other.  We laugh at the antics of the kids.  We text each other occasionally if one of us experiences a moment in our day that just needs to be shared with someone who has lived with you for nearly half your life.  I ask him if he wants me to pick him up a gift for his sister’s birthday while I’m out, and he takes my broken lamp back to his house to fix it.

Every day, I feel blessed that my children have a father who cognizant of the fact that parenting is a team effort.  We support each other on decisions about discipline.  We both attend all school events and exchange prideful glances when we hear about our children’s successes.  We always speak in warm tones about one another to the children.  When we’re with the children, we take time to let them know that even though the other parent may not be physically present, their role is sacred and good and constant.  I know I can call him day or night if I have something to say about the children, even if it’s just to tell him how I found the kids playing a game called “Joe and Barb” in which they were both pretending to be the 60 year-old neighbors who used to live down the street from my in-law’s.

He’s the only one in this world who loves our children as much as I do.

Who loves them fiercely, protectively, unabashedly.

Regardless of his status as my husband, he will always be their father.

Regardless of his status as my husband, I will always be grateful for that.


  1. Beenthere says:

    There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.

    Hang in there……. :)

  2. Anki says:

    Well said Tara. My eldest son was raised in 2 houses with 3 parents looking out for him (sometimes having 3 parents would have been a drag for him…but mostly it was good, he had choices of who to go to with what). Relationships and families are all different. As long as the children feel safe, loved and heard, they will thrive.

  3. katie says:

    Hey Tara, just read this post. I thinking finding your wait out of limbo is an excellent thing. You’ve always been one to keep moving forward, keep accomplishing the next goal. Entirely the opposite of being in limbo. And as the child of divorced parents who has clearly done ok for myself in life, your kids will be great!

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