Day 154: If You’re A Man, You Probably Won’t Understand This Post. Sorry.

Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook may have noticed that I’ve made quite a few references to the Gilmore Girls over the last few days.

I feel closer to you when I feel like you’re actually watching TV with me in the evening.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then:

1) shame on you for not being friends with me on Facebook

2) you’re probably too cool to hang out with me, because it’s not really a show cool people would watch

3) you’re totally missing out

Let’s see . . . how do I describe it?

Well, one description on the internet states, “The close bond between a single mother and her teenage daughter is often tested in this dramatic television series. Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham) became pregnant at 16, and, against the wishes of her mother and father (Edward Herrmann and Kelly Bishop), chose to keep the child and raise it on her own. Sixteen years later, Lorelai enjoys a warm relationship with her daughter, Rory (Alexis Bledel) , but as Rory suffers the growing pains of being a teenager, Lorelai finds it’s hard to be both mother and best friend. Lorelai also has to contend with her own parents, who still believe they know what’s best for both Lorelai and Rory. Created as part of an initiative to bring more family-friendly drama to American television, Gilmore Girls debuted on the WB network on October 5, 2000.”

My friend Meredith P. has all seven seasons on DVD.  This week I have devoured Season One and spent entirely too much time narrating the life and times of those crazy folks in Stars Hollow, CT on my Facebook page.  Surprisingly, many of my FB friends have seen this series.

Wait.  Does that mean that none of my friends are cool?

Anyway, because I’m a complete cheater when it comes to blog writing tonight, I’m going to show you what some of you non-FB friends have been missing over the last few days:

Tara:  I’m realizing that Lorelei always walks backwards and trips on stuff.  It’s like, her thing.  Note: There will be more status updates on the Gilmore Girls, as I now have access to all the seasons on DVD.  I’m apologizing in advance, but it’s better than telling you about the psych reports I’m writing, right?

Tara:  Who allows their 15 year old to drink coffee?  Like, doesn’t it stunt their growth?

Rick:  It put hair on my chest . . . wait . . . maybe that was a coincidence . . .

Me:  No, I think you’re thinking of the hair on your palms.  That’s not from coffee.

Rick:  Kinda walked into that one, didn’t I?

Tara:  The cute outfits that Lorelei wears makes me kind of wish I lived somewhere where it snows.  And she has like, a million wool coats.  I have one. I think I wore it about 7 days this year.

Tara:  I wish my best friend was a chef in an inn and dropped off desserts randomly.  Her name doesn’t have to be Suki necessarily.  I mean, I’m not picky or anything.

Kelly:  What are you watching?? You keep talking about people that I have no idea about!! And THIS girl is known to randomly drop off desserts. and lettuce. and her kids.

Me:  But you’re not a chef in an inn. And Suki never drops off kids. Or steals shams.

Tom:  Saki? Yes please. I’ll have another. Please, this time let’s go with the unfiltered Nigori.

Me:  You’re really not understanding how Gilmore Girls works, Tom.

Julie:  If you want I can make some random dessert and come over rant uncontrollably for a few minutes then leave you in peace to eat.

Me:  See, you can’t rant, Julie. Suki is almost ALWAYS cheerful and perky and clumsy. Maybe you can drop something off and then fall as you leave or poke yourself in the eye or something. It’d help if you were heavy-set and had red hair, too. I’m sure you could do an awesome dessert, though.

Kelly:  I just fell down my bottom 3 steps. Clumsy…check

Julie:  I guess rant was the wrong word. she is very perky…..not sure I could go that far. When I get back from Fl I will make a cheese cake and drop some by. What type of topping do you like…personally i go for a rasberry reduction drizzled over with melted dark chocalate.

Me:  I have no idea what a “raspberry reduction” is. I’m thinking it has something to do with a math problem.

Christina:  I could make you a really healthy dessert and walk it to your back door:) I used to look a lot like Suki!

Me:  I’d pretty much let an axe murderer in if they brought me food. And you never looked like Suki! Geesh. Plus, your hair is completely the wrong color.

Tara:  Ah, Rory and Lorelei, how I missed you while I was at work . . .

Tara:  Christopher’s father just ranted against Lorelai!  Richard is kicking him out of the house!  It’s getting exciting.

Jen:  Wasn’t it because she said George W Bush had a tiny head?

Tara: Goodnight, Rory and Lorelei.  Dean, you can go to hell.  You’re such a baby.

Tara:  Day 3 of Gilmore Girls.  Luke just beat up Dean for breaking up with Rory.  Dean is still such a baby.

Kate:  An adult beating up a kid doesn’t sound that good on paper.

Me:  Well, it was more of a tussle.

Tara: Rory’s cell phone is the size of a small bus.  No, it’s like the size of that car that Dean is building for her.

Tara:  Dean is really socially awkward.  I really don’t see it.  I wonder if I should fast-forward to the bad-boy Jesse years.

Tara:  I really don’t think it’s fair that Lorelei gets proposed to by 2 men (Christopher and Max) in ONE season AND Luke is quietly in love with her.

Pam:  Well, she IS a really cool chick.

Me:  I know.  Plus she wears really tight pants.

Pam:  That helps too.

Tara:  Turns out, Lorelei is really spelled Lorelai.  Sorry, Lorelai.

One of the main characters on this show is Lorelai, a mother in her early 30s.  She’s this smart, witty, slightly-frantic woman who makes constant references to pop-culture, speaks extremely quickly, and beguiles men with her utter femininity while confusing them with big words and a wandering train of thought.

Hm.

You see, I use big words frequently.

And I’ve been told that I speak pretty quickly.

But I think my train of thought can be followed most of the time . . . right?

And I don’t think most people would describe me as “frantic”.

.

Somehow, however, it’s not beguiling on me.  Even when I wear tight pants like she does.

Like, one of the primary things we’ve talked about in marriage therapy is how I’m too verbal.  I use too many words; I don’t just express myself with simple vocabulary.  I don’t just say it one time, in one way.

(See how I do that?)

I give details.  Relate my feelings to other experiences.  Draw analogies.

Apparently I need to tone it down a notch.

Apparently after the first dozen words, I begin to sound alarmingly like Charlie Brown’s teacher.

I need to recognize that most people, men generally, my husband specifically, do not communicate this way.

And it’s common knowledge the we’re best heard and understood when we speak in a manner similar to our partner.

Um, I learned that in Counseling 101 in undergraduate school.

I mean, this is not a foreign concept to me.

Yikes.

I was all, “Listen, no one else in my life seems to have a problem with how I communicate.  I mean, I actually get evaluated on my communication skills at work every year and I earn a superior rating every time.  I have plenty of friends and they don’t seem to find me perplexing.  My blog readers seem like how I write.  I mean, some of my blog readers are in China.  Why is it that people who live in China understand me but my own husband doesn’t?”

The therapist was like, “Do you tend to interact with women at work?  Are your blog readers women?”

Me, “Oh.  Yeah.  Good point.”

(silence while I absorbed the fact that my communication style is probably only appreciated by 50% of the population.  Um, that’s not very good.)

Me:  “Well, there is an obvious solution.”

Therapist, “Oh?”

Me:  “Yes. I need to become a lesbian.”

.

She didn’t seem to think it works like that.

Too bad.  It seems like it’d be so much easier than navigating the labyrinth of my marriage.

I guess I need to learn how to speak “man”.

Comments

  1. Laurie says:

    2 comments

    First of all I AM COOL!

    Secondly 51% of the population is female. So more people understand you than don’t. You’re good!

  2. Gretchen says:

    My husband speaks like you do . . . he says the same thing 12 different ways. It drives me nuts! Then again, I do all the repairs around the house and he does the laundry. Somehow it all works out! We had to agree that if I say “OK” that means I understand what he is saying and please, please, please do not reiterate your point, and for the love of god, do not give me any analogies, I HATE analogies. lol At least they are not sports analogies, as he knows nothing about sports. hmmm. . . . maybe he’d like to watch Gilmore Girls, while I’m waiting for the new seasons of Mad Men and Dexter. ;) But I do enjoy your blog, so I think you’re doing fine!

  3. Jessi says:

    I love Gilmore Girls! I am also very not cool. Lorelai is my hero and I want to talk like her all the time. She is so good with the witty comeback.

  4. Meg says:

    A few years ago S and I went to visit my old roommate and her family in Finland. We were surprised when one evening was planned around when GG came on. Both my friend and her husband watched and loved the show – it was subtitled in Finish. They used it to keep up their English. If they could understand and keep up with Lorelai, they knew they could understand us.
    S laughed at my friend’s husband for watching it (and because he asked us to bring Herbal Essences shampoo for him). But then we both got hooked on the show, too. My friend’s husband is a professional athlete, so he is pretty manly despite the shampoo.
    Where I’m going with this is: GG is a perfect How-to-speak-woman program. What show can teach us how to speak man in such an enjoyable way?

  5. kelbel says:

    I lived for that show when it was on. I hope my daughter and I can have a relationship like that one day. Also – I think my husband listens to me for about 3 seconds before his mind wanders. I guess I need to start talking like a caveman to get my point across. Instead of saying “can you please pick up some bread at the store” it should be “milk, store, today”. good to know.

    and I love your blog

    AND I also graduated from IUP!

  6. kate says:

    I am friends with a lesbian couple and they sound an awful lot like me and my husband when they end up bickering on the phone. I’ve threatened the lesbian thing, but I think it’s all the same.

  7. MommaKiss says:

    I was infatuated with Gilmore Girls. Absolutely. And now that Lorelai is on Parenthood, I still get a dose of her. See? Cool!

  8. Hi! I found you through Law Momma. And I have to say that Gilmore Girls is like, one of the greatest shows EVER. And I’m cool. (At least I think so). I own all 7 seasons on DVD as well, and I still watch them whenever they come on tv when I’m home early enough to watch them.

    Also, it’s Jess, not Jesse. And he is the best of the boyfriends. Although Logan gets better (for a little while, then he’s a turd again. You’ll know what I’m talking about in seasons 4-7. Or is it 5-7? Whatever. The best Logan episode is “You Jump, I Jump Jack. I actually watched that while I was in labor. Sort of watched it, anyway. But I find myself having Jessisode marathons whenever I need a pick me up) What was I talking about?

    Anyway, love your blog!

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