Day 117: Firsts

Easter is one of my favorite holidays.

The chocolate.

The egg hunts.

The spring weather.

The floral dresses.

The adorable bunny that is physically incapable of leaving little poop pellets in your garden.

I mean, what’s not to like about a holiday that can be as eventful or as low-key as you want?

It’s much less stressful than Christmas, which is fraught with obligation and financial burden and those weird sweaters with reindeer on them.

And because I’ve never taken the initiative to learn about the religious significance of Easter, I’m not planning to stress about the fact that I’m probably sinning just by writing this post.


Anyway, this is the first holiday since the separation.

I’m so very grateful it’s not Christmas.

That was me looking at the bright side, by the way.

(And . . . End Scene.)


You see, my family lives far away and rarely travels on holidays.  Particularly on non-Christmas and non-Thanksgiving holidays.

In contrast, most of Drew’s immediate family lives within a 30 minute drive.

This means that, naturally, the children are going to spend at least a portion of their holiday apart from me.

Just to be clear, I want them to enjoy themselves with their extended family.  Truly.  I’m not so selfish that I’d want them to miss out on all the fun that comes with  gathering around a table heaping with food and doting family members.  After all, what’s festive about spending another day at home with mom?  Especially when my idea of cooking Easter dinner consists of cruising through the free sample section of the grocery store.

It could be worse, I realize.  At least Drew and I get along well and we’ve teamed up to create some kick-ass Easter baskets and an Easter egg hunt that will result in enough candy consumption to guarantee a painful stomach ache prior to breakfast.

That’s me looking at the bright side again, by the way.


And it should be noted that I was invited to join Drew’s family for Easter.

Which was a kind gesture, I thought, and much appreciated.

Therefore, the fact that I will be apart from my children for a portion of Easter day is a choice I’ve made, and for that I take responsibility.

But seriously, my attendance would be inappropriate, not to mention a bit pathetic.

Hey!  Look at me!  I have nowhere else to go!  Even though I’m separated from Drew, I’m still going to crash all your family events and make everyone feel uncomfortable!   Pass the ham, please!

Plus, I can’t help but remember that time when I participated in a holiday event where the ex-wife decided to attend.

The hostility was masked only by the clandestine conversations taking place in other rooms and the forced joviality in her presence.

And she didn’t even write a blog that was reviled by all.

I have to admire her grit though, as she appeared gracious and relaxed the entire time.

I think we all know I’m neither of those things.

I’d be all jumpy and self-conscious and try to over-compensate by talking too much and eating three helpings of dessert.

So, it’s for the best, I think.


Thankfully, I’m blessed enough to be invited to an Easter dinner hosted by my friends Liz and Tom.

I told Liz that even though I suspect she’s invited me out of pity, I don’t really care because she’s a fantastic cook and seems to like me.

She has two children the exact same ages as mine.  They’re even a girl and a boy, like mine.

Am I a bad friend because I’m hoping that they’ll behave abominably during dinner?

I think it will really help me miss my children a little less.

I mean, is it disloyal to hope that one of them vomits onto their dinner plate or cries because they didn’t get served dessert first?

I’m going to vote no.

Thank goodness for excessive sugar consumption; it makes it so much more probable that my wish will come true.


  1. Stephanie says:

    My stomach flips a little when you used the word “ex-wife”…… When is our sleep over? Do you want to wait till schools done or can we go sooner then that? My friend AMB is in and she is funny!

  2. Charles says:

    I would totally go to Drew’s family Easter if I were you. I’ve been to multiple holiday parties that (a) I haven’t been invited to and (b) were not even my religion. My favorite are Seders. Usually I eat so much gifelte fish that by the end no one questions whether I am supposed to be there.


  3. Tara says:

    They’re probably just really glad that someone ate the gefilte fish. Nothing worse than gefilte fish that has been sitting out too long.

    I’m thinking that you have an estranged wife who is Seder? Because that would make your story more relevant to my situation.

    • Charles says:

      Seder is a Jewish Passover meal. You’re right though that my story isn’t relevant to your situation. I’ve looked at some of my comments on your posts, and quite honestly half of them make no sense to me. In any event, I hope you have a wonderful Easter.


      • Tara says:

        That’s okay. I don’t mind irrevelence. You’ve got to do something to distract everyone from perseverating on the fact that you’re the only man to comment on my blog. Happy Easter to you, too.

  4. Theresa says:

    I would get drunk and eat all their kids candy. That is what would happen at my house anyways…

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