We’re back from Walt Disney World.
We enjoyed four days in the happiest place on earth, accompanied by our dear friends, Charles and Jasmine, and their two kids, Katelyn and Josh.
Okay, so all of those names are fabricated. In the spirit of my new Blog Protection Program (BPP for short), I’ve changed everyone’s name so they can pretend they don’t know me. Because I like to be honest on this blog, I felt the need to tell you how I’m lying about their names.
Anyway, “Charles” named himself; he was inspired by the character Charles Darnay in A Tale of Two Cities. I did read that book, but I don’t recall even one detail about that particular character*. If he’s anything like our Charles, then he probably drinks a lot of beer, eats everything he kills, and speaks about his belly in the third person. Charles also says he would like to be a regular feature in my blog because he claims that really awesome things happen to him and he thinks the world would be a better place if everyone knew about them. I invited him to be my first guest contributor ever, and he demurred, claiming that he just needs someone like me to write them down.
I’m happy to oblige, my friend. But don’t be pissed when I change all of the details and refer to you as ‘Chuck’.
Oh, and we named Charles’s wife, “Jasmine” because Charles has a wicked crush on Princess Jasmine and he spent an exorbitant amount of time fantasizing talking about her this week. We even caught him trying to stroke her breasts during the 3D movie in Magic Kingdom. He says he couldn’t help it; they were coming out at him and he was just trying to push them away out of respect for his lovely wife of nearly 10 years.
Anyway, over the next few days, I plan to tell you about a myriad of events that happened while we were in Disney. The description of these events are likely to include details about the following: a near-decapitation, bird poop, a battle between a Crown Victoria and a Dodge Charger, an embarrassing rumor about sexually-transmitted diseases, and the awkwardness of not having enough beds for the separated couple.
The last two things on that list are not related.
So, stay tuned.
* If you’re super curious about Charles Darnay, read this.