Next Time I’ll Just Go to Jail Instead

According to the Life Events Stress Test, experiencing marital separation is ranked as the third most stressful life event.

Death of spouse or child is #1.  Divorce is #2.

Interestingly, ‘detention in jail or other institution’ is #4.

Honestly, I think going to jail would be way more stressful for me than separation.  But I’m kind of sensitive to the idea of getting knifed in the shower and wearing the same outfit every day.

But to each her own, I guess.

Anyway, there appears to be a consent amongst some family members that I should not be discussing the personal details of my recent marital separation in my blog.

I tried to explain that I’m not sharing specific details of the separation, per say, I’m simply sharing my specific perceptions and feelings about the separation.   I have no interest in holding a he-said/she-said conversation on the internet, particularly when the ‘he-said’ part of the equation isn’t interested in sharing his thoughts with all of you folks.

Which is completely understandable, yo.

(Although he’s totally missing out, because you folks are amazing.)

So, I had to ask myself a couple of questions:

1)  Do I continue to be comfortable with what I have written?  Do I feel it was truthful and respectful to myself, my marriage, my children, and my family and friends?

2)  If yes, am I prepared to deal with the consequences if family and/or friends are unable to understand or respect why I’ve chosen to write my thoughts and feelings about such a personal topic on a blog?

I’m not going to lie;  much thinking occurred.  Many discussions with my close friends.  Multiple emails were exchanged with some fellow bloggers.

I’ve decided that at this point, I’m not ashamed of my posts about the separation, and I don’t intend to remove them.

When I consulted a very good friend and fellow blogger about this very topic, she said, “Tara, if you’re not a blogger or an avid reader of blogs, then this blogging thing probably seems puzzling and unimportant.  Its a phenomenon that you either ‘get’ and embrace as a valuable interest and talent, or you don’t.”

She has a point.

It’s unfair to expect everyone to get this whole blogging thing.  I mean, it’s kind of a new concept for many people.

But because they don’t get it doesn’t mean I’m wrong for doing it.

So, I’m going to keep blogging.  And I plan to find the funny.  And when I can’t find the funny, I hope I can at least write something interesting and relatable.  And if I can’t write something funny, interesting, or relatable, then you should totally stop reading this blog.

(Let’s start with the next post, okay?  This one doesn’t count.)

Although I’m going to continue to blog, I don’t feel it’s necessary to use my real last name or my husband’s real first name.  I think it’s time to shield my husband and his family from the attention that this successful-ish blog is starting to get.

So, I’m renaming the husband.  Who will likely have a more limited role on this blog, seeing as how we spend limited time together these days.  But he is the dad, and a good one at that, so on occasion he may do a mini-cameo.  After all, I don’t want the kids to grow up and wonder if they imagined all the “inane conversations with Daddy” portion of their lives.  Or think that he didn’t attend their birthday party or something.

So, some minor changes are coming . . . stay tuned.

Sydney at about 4. 1/2 months. I think if she knew how to talk, she'd be telling me to blog.


  1. Teri says:

    Tara, this is your blog, nobody is going to tell you what you should and shouldn’t write about. And having this blog has probably been a source of healing for you, anybody that wants to take that away from you is just being selfish.

    • Tara says:

      Well, it may be cathartic for me, but I recognize that when I write about my life, it naturally includes other people. And there’s a whole slew of other people who were hurt by this separation. People who are often more private about their thoughts and feelings. And while my words don’t impact the average reader’s day to day life, they do impact family members who may experience people approaching them in real life and saying, “Did you see what Tara wrote? Can you believe that?”. They can’t just close their eyes to it like it’s an offensive TV program, you know?

      So, no hating on anyone here, folks. I don’t want to make anyone any more angry at me, and I don’t want to feel compelled to censor comments to protect anyone’s feelings. Because as much as I’d like to be all “I’m a free-thinker! Roar!”, I really just want these family members to like me.

  2. brenda koeller says:

    Maybe the family is just jealous because you are famous and have a fan base. How many times can I vote for you as my favorite Mommy Blog?

  3. Laurie says:

    So glad you are going to continue to do what you do, I think it’s good for you and hell it’s even better for us, your readers! You are tackling all of this with such grace and charisma, hold your head up high, keep finding the funny and we will all stay tuned.

  4. Lindsey says:

    Everyone has choices. People (family) could just choose not to read those posts. Keep on coping, sistah. Sometimes it is the only way I keep updated with you! (Bad friend that I am.)

  5. Rebecca says:

    I hope that you can find your balance Tara, because both staying on the good side of your family and being able to blog honestly are important! Best of luck!

  6. Jason Johnson says:

    As long as we are changing names to protect the innocent, could I get an AKA and be enrolled in the Blog-protection program?

  7. MommaKiss says:

    I’d choose jail, just sayin’ I’d be an awesome prison bitch.

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