According to the Life Events Stress Test, experiencing marital separation is ranked as the third most stressful life event.
Death of spouse or child is #1. Divorce is #2.
Interestingly, ‘detention in jail or other institution’ is #4.
Honestly, I think going to jail would be way more stressful for me than separation. But I’m kind of sensitive to the idea of getting knifed in the shower and wearing the same outfit every day.
But to each her own, I guess.
Anyway, there appears to be a consent amongst some family members that I should not be discussing the personal details of my recent marital separation in my blog.
I tried to explain that I’m not sharing specific details of the separation, per say, I’m simply sharing my specific perceptions and feelings about the separation. I have no interest in holding a he-said/she-said conversation on the internet, particularly when the ‘he-said’ part of the equation isn’t interested in sharing his thoughts with all of you folks.
Which is completely understandable, yo.
(Although he’s totally missing out, because you folks are amazing.)
So, I had to ask myself a couple of questions:
1) Do I continue to be comfortable with what I have written? Do I feel it was truthful and respectful to myself, my marriage, my children, and my family and friends?
2) If yes, am I prepared to deal with the consequences if family and/or friends are unable to understand or respect why I’ve chosen to write my thoughts and feelings about such a personal topic on a blog?
I’m not going to lie; much thinking occurred. Many discussions with my close friends. Multiple emails were exchanged with some fellow bloggers.
I’ve decided that at this point, I’m not ashamed of my posts about the separation, and I don’t intend to remove them.
When I consulted a very good friend and fellow blogger about this very topic, she said, “Tara, if you’re not a blogger or an avid reader of blogs, then this blogging thing probably seems puzzling and unimportant. Its a phenomenon that you either ‘get’ and embrace as a valuable interest and talent, or you don’t.”
She has a point.
It’s unfair to expect everyone to get this whole blogging thing. I mean, it’s kind of a new concept for many people.
But because they don’t get it doesn’t mean I’m wrong for doing it.
So, I’m going to keep blogging. And I plan to find the funny. And when I can’t find the funny, I hope I can at least write something interesting and relatable. And if I can’t write something funny, interesting, or relatable, then you should totally stop reading this blog.
(Let’s start with the next post, okay? This one doesn’t count.)
Although I’m going to continue to blog, I don’t feel it’s necessary to use my real last name or my husband’s real first name. I think it’s time to shield my husband and his family from the attention that this successful-ish blog is starting to get.
So, I’m renaming the husband. Who will likely have a more limited role on this blog, seeing as how we spend limited time together these days. But he is the dad, and a good one at that, so on occasion he may do a mini-cameo. After all, I don’t want the kids to grow up and wonder if they imagined all the “inane conversations with Daddy” portion of their lives. Or think that he didn’t attend their birthday party or something.
So, some minor changes are coming . . . stay tuned.