My Son

This post is hard to write. As much as I enjoy writing this blog, and expressing my thoughts and feelings about my little family, I tend to project a voice that highlights the humorous aspects of parenthood. I am more comfortable with sarcasm than sentimentality. I am more wry than tenderhearted.  I am more likely to laugh when happy than cry tears of joy.

But this is the post designed to highlight the significance of my son’s first birthday. His first birthday. The end of infanthood. The beginning of his toddler years. What do I say? How do I express the joy of having such a little angel in my life?  How do I discuss how my intense love for him was tempered with feelings of inadequacy, as his first six months was wrought with a severe case of acid reflux that kept us up nearly every night, burned his little throat until his cries were hoarse, and caused us to spend hours in the doctor’s office?

How do I share how it feels when I see him gaze at his sister adoringly, when he gives me a juicy, open-mouthed kiss, or when he pats my shoulder in rhythm with my attempts to burp him after this morning feeding?  How can I express the feelings that I get when I stroke and kiss his soft little feet dozens of times each day, squeeze his plump thighs, and caress his little blond ringlets?  His goofy grin, his bursts of temper, his cuddly nature . . . all I know is that everyone else is missing out.  Everyone who does not have the privilege of being his mother is missing out. I don’t know how to explain it.  I just know that I was meant to be his mother and he was meant to be my son.

I realize this post is woefully inadequate.  I wish that I could bottle up my love and give it to him to be released during those moments when I am not there throughout his life.  I wish that I could soak up a lifetime of his reaching hands, the feeling of his face in my neck, the smoothness of his baby skin.  I know as he grows up he will grow away, and I celebrate that, as it means that I am doing my job.  But for today, he is my baby.  He is all that is good in the world.  He is a reason to hope.

I love you, my son.  Happy first birthday.

Comments

  1. Rosie says:

    Awwww Tara..beautifully written..happy bday Dylan.

  2. Lindsay says:

    Well…you made ME cry. Maybe because I know JUST how you feel.

    Woefully inadequate? More like absolutely perfect. Well said, Tara.

  3. Kelly says:

    Tara- you made me want to run up and grab Sara out of the bed! So sweet, made me teary!

  4. Mandie says:

    Great pictures! Happy Birthday Dylan! I can’t believe you are a year already!

  5. willowluna says:

    Happy Birthday, Dylan. And the last paragraph was just wonderful, T.

  6. Grandpa Nusz says:

    Thank you so much for sharing Dylan’s FIRST BIRTHDAY !! The pictues say so much and Tara you express so much !! Only wish I could be there in person. Your blog lets us share these precious moments !!

  7. Daddy says:

    My little Doodle, a nick name I gave you that just seems to fit you so well and one that I’m sure you will regret as you age. I am so blessed to have you, your wonderful sister, and your perfect mother in my life. Your ice blue eyes melt my heart. Your personality completes our family with your kisses and energy. Your first months of life were some of the most trying of both our lives, but the love and happiness you have given me is unbelievable. I love you my Decky, Happy Birthday big boy!!!

  8. Miss Jen says:

    Man…he is the cutest child ever!! He has stolen my heart and he has a great mom which is probably another reason that he is so great!! What a great celebration and FUN pics! Thanks for sharing!!

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